Think Away

My shoulder has really been bothering me the past week or two. I'm pretty sure I aggravated it climbing. It's given me problems before I was a climber, but it seems to have gotten a bit worse. Anyhow, I decided to focus today's session on my right shoulder. I imagined all the pain being sucked out of it as I inhaled and pushed out of my body as I exhaled. I tried to imagine my shoulder getting better with each breath. Clearly that won't actually work, I'm too much of a realist to believe in something like that. It was fun to imagine though.

Race

During my meditation today I started thinking about when I ran track. I want to pick up running again. I won't necessarily compete for a team, but I would like to get back into the shape I was when I was racing. I might enter unattached to some races eventually. We'll see. I definitely want to run though. I've got the itch!

Here and There

I tried to imagine myself meditating outside. I still focused on my breathing, but imagined doing so in a field somewhere in the mountains. It's a place where I feel most at home. I want meditation to be more than simply controlling my breathing. If I have something else that I can focus on, it'll will be worlds easier to avoid any stressful thoughts.

Unfulfilled

I come out of today's meditation feeling like something is lacking. I still have some issues blocking out all my thoughts, but that's not a big issue. I feel as if there is something deeper that I could be feeling when meditating. I have always imagined meditation as a time when your mind travels to a different world and can even give you insight. That is what I want. How do I get that?

Pressure Drop

I used the same technique that I did yesterday in focusing on my breath. Today I really tried to focus on the sensation of cool air entering my nose and hitting the back of my throat. Also very cool was the feeling of releasing the pressure build up from inhaling before even exhaling. Normally when you exhale (when focusing on breathing), the tendency is to push the air out. Instead, I sort of released the pressure and let the air flow freely on its own.

Air Flow

Today I observed my breathing in a different way. When inhaling, I imagined air flowing into my nose and pausing at the back of my throat before exhaling and traveling down through my chest and ending in my stomach. I guess it traveled there because that is where the 'hara' is said to be; nearly behind the belly-button. My focus was very strong in the beginning and began to falter only slightly at the end of my meditation. It lasted 8 minutes though.

Forgive and be thankful

As usual I began my meditation by focusing on my breath. Gradually I transitioned to acknowledging all the things that bothered me or worried me today and excused them. I let them pass so that I could move on. To end my session in a more positive light I revisited all the good things that happened to me today. To no surprise, the good holds more weight than the bad. Today I am happy to forgive the events that hindered my mood but relished in my thankfulness for those events that shone brighter than the sun.

Tired

I should really quit meditating when I'm tired. I can't get around it though. Meditating right before bed is generally the only time that I am home and not doing something. I'll have to make time closer to when I get home. My focus is slowing improving, but its my awareness that is making good progress. Initially my mind would wonder in all directions and I would not even know it. Now it is easier to realize that I am drifting and that I need to re-focus. Yeah progress!

"Nothing" is too much

So even when you are thinking of "nothing" the mind is still thinking of something. My focus was a bit better today. Only very simple thoughts came to mind, not so frequently and only came to visit just to say hi. Actually it was like a recap of my day. Not so bad. More focus to come!

Nothing Explored

Sometimes I wonder if it is physically possible to think of nothing. What exactly is nothing? Is it darkness? But that would be something. If I thought of darkness I would think of caves and then wilderness and then Bear Grylls. No, it can't be darkness. Trying to think of nothing is pretty damn difficult. There it is! My mistake. In trying to think of nothing, I am thinking of nothing. I am trying to imagine nothing. My task is to generate no thoughts at all. This is going to be much more difficult.

Without Religion

I have been so for several years now. I do not believe in any supernatural. For that reason I don't think I will be able to fully believe in one's 'hara.' That being said, I still believe that there is a purpose and a reward for meditation. It is a way of clearing the mind and relieving it of the many worries of each day. With these thoughts in mind, I will continue to meditate. I will free myself of worry even if it is only for a short time each day.

Climbing on the brain!

I could not stop myself from thinking about climbing while meditating today. I just got back from the Winter Burn. It took all day, so all I could think about was climbing when I got home. I even knew I was thinking about climbing but could do nothing to change it. Just one of those days. Tomorrow will be better I'm sure.

A Little Slip

I tried to think solely about my breathing and finding my hara today. While I still cannot feel my hara, I can focus on my breathing. I could feel myself blocking out any thoughts trying to enter my mind. Then I slipped up and realized I was thinking about Mountain Leadership School in New Hampshire. I quickly realized it and refocused. I'm gettin there.

Not Too Shabby

It's been two weeks now and I'm very satisfied with the progress that I've made. In the coming weeks I hope to be able to feel my hara better. That will be my main focus in the sessions ahead.

Take In Life

I really enjoyed today's session. It seems kind of funny because earlier this evening I did not feel like meditating and thought about skipping it. It was then that I told myself that I wasn't going to be lazy, that I was committed. So after watching some of Dosage IV (a climbing movie) I decided to meditate. Today I envisioned myself breathing in life and relieving myself of all my worries upon releasing my breath. Today just felt great.

More to Learn

I simply couldn't gain control today. My thoughts overpowered me during my first attempt, so I took a break and came back later to try again. This time I was a bit more successful and was able to block out a good portion of thoughts. There is much more that I stand to learn though. I hope to gain greater control as I continue to learn more about meditation.

The Breath

I had a small infiltration of thoughts early in today's session but was able to recognize them and let them pass. From there I continued to focus on a mantra that I developed. Mentally, I say "What is this ball of consciousness?" on the inhalation and "Hara" on my exhale. This really helps me gain focus and control. From there I can really pay attention to my breath and my breathing becomes naturally deep and calm.

Hara

Today I tried to focus on my breathing and finding my hara. I felt it only very slightly, but it gave me greater focus. I was able to concentrate on my breathing without the overflow of abstract thoughts coming to mind. I think today was very successful and will help lead to greater control of the mind.

More or Less

In the past few days that I've been meditating I have found that it lasted much longer than 5 minutes. Today's meditation however, only lasted about 6. That being said, less thoughts were passing through my mind. I was able to focus on keeping a clear mind and dismissing any thought that threatened my mental silence.

Does This Count?

Tonight I am very tired and still attempted a meditation. While still very relaxing, I feel more tired than anything else. I really should try to do this in the middle of the day sometime. Work seems to get in the way usually. Today's meditation might not be perfect, but I will do better tomorrow.

Not Quite

Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. I still feel like I'm not in full control of my thoughts. Then again, that is what I am supposed to be learning, so I can't simply expect to naturally have that ability. I could definitely use a bit of guidance. I need something to focus on. Often when I try to meditate my mind wanders to find something that feels reasonable to focus on. In searching for that focal point, my mind is processing and analyzing. Meditation should be a time to give my brain a rest from operating at high speeds. I need to develop a plan before beginning to meditate so that I do not waste any time/effort into thinking about it while meditating.

Take Two

For the past week, I've been meditating while laying down on my bed. While very comfortable, this probably is not the best suited position for meditation. Today I meditated in the normal fashion, sitting up cross-legged. At first, I had an incredible amount of thoughts flowing through my mind. Before I knew it, I had exhausted my 5 minutes. I was not satisfied though. I had never gained any kind of control over my thoughts. So I gave it another go. This time I was able to focus better and relieve my mind of the many thoughts so recently present. This was a good meditation. I look forward to meditating tomorrow.

Nature's Own

Today's meditation was very cool. I took Kathryn's idea of separating past and present with the two flowing rivers. Being an avid outdoors man, I imagined myself hiking up a fairly prestigious mountain. The ground I covered represents the events of my past. Not once however, do I turn back to look down the mountain. There is no past. There is only the present. There is only now.

As I progress toward the peak, the terrain becomes more difficult, but I am ready to tackle the mountain. My pack is full of all the right tools. The peak is covered in snow and more is trickling down through the tree line.

I have not yet made it to the top, but I know on the other side lies what will become my present. My present, not my future. The future cannot be predicted, but I am ready to live the present. Live the moment.

Too Close

I've come to the conclusion that I am meditating too close to my going to sleep. I could not even begin to talk about my meditation today because I don't remember any of it. I honestly think I fell asleep for my 5 minutes or more. I'll try meditating around lunch tomorrow. That way there will be less risk of falling asleep.

Just a tough one

Today's meditation was very challenging. Faces of dozens of people would rush into sight, one at a time but only for an instant. I did not recognize any of the faces, they meant nothing to me. I have no idea where they came from. Possibly compilations of facial features that stick out to me. Who knows.

I need to find a method that works for me, something I can go back to again and again. I have trouble deciding which method to use. Today I must have tried a half dozen different ways to meditate and couldn't fall into relaxation. I even got frustrated with all the noise occurring around me.

It wasn't until I began repeating a phrase that I finally felt some relief.

"Fear nothing, defy your boundaries."

A quote I came up with during high school. During my meditation, I felt my mouth begin to open very very slowly. I could not have opened my mouth at this rate if I had tried. It was then that I knew I was beginning to fully relax, because the muscles holding my mouth in its previous position were giving way.

Not a bad session after all. Just a tough one.

No Go

While todays attempt at meditating was very relaxing, I was unable to flush out all my thoughts. I could still feel them rushing in here and there. I was able to slow it down though and intermittently think of nothing. I'll continue to try and hold onto this 'thoughtless' state longer next time, and even longer after that.

If nothing else, these sessions are surly relaxing. While I cannot yet block out all thoughts, the thoughts that do come are not ones of worry or stress. Rather they are just random thoughts. I am happy.

Ho Hum

Nothing special today. Very very few thoughts came to mind during this session. Sometimes I don't know whether to let my mind wander and picture odd things like looking at myself from the outside or whether to force away all thoughts altogether. Todays session was a mix of the two.

I still enjoyed it!

Square One

The journey begins. My first day toward developing the use of meditation is very much welcomed. I have no 'set in stone' method to meditating thus far, hence I am open to ideas. In the past I have attempted to slow my breathing while relaxing each and every body part, one at a time. We used to do it in track. I remember one time that I had imagined myself floating several feet below the track. Very cool feelings.

Anyhow, as I began to meditate today, I discovered that I had an itch on my left eye. Then my left ear, my nose, my right shoulder, and my right pectoral. While these may not be your typical results, I was nonetheless happy with them. I was becoming aware of how each part of my body was feeling, while not thinking of anything else.

So however obscure this session may have been, it was a peaceful and successful one.