Today's Tomorrow

Graduation is coming closer and closer. Soon enough I'll be completely on my own. Paying my own health insurance, car insurance, rent, you name it. I'm so ready. A lot of my friends say that they don't want college to be over. They claim they aren't ready for the real world. I am. I've always thrived on being independent. This is just the next step for me. I'm excited to hold a real (engineering job) and then do whatever I want on the weekends (climb) without having to worry about homework or studying for a test. The real world is coming and I say bring it!

Hollow

Some days I feel like my mind is analyzing at Mach 3. In just 30 seconds I've already come up with 8 different ways that my day tomorrow could pan out. It's ridiculous how fast my mind works. It makes meditating extremely difficult some days. Today I had to stop in the middle of meditating because I couldn't stay focused. I kept on thinking about tomorrow. So I stopped and just let my mind do its business while laying on my bed. When I felt like the bulk of it was over, I began to meditate again and had a bit more luck this time. Some days I just need a re-do.

Mind's Eye

I had a great day today. The first thing I did today when I left the house this morning was go to "Bryn Mawr Running Co." They are a running store that I grew up buying my running shoes from in Bryn Mawr. Well not too long ago they opened a store in Media. HOW CONVENIENT! I have been living in Media the past year with some friends while attending college. So today I decided that I wanted to check out their new store, as I was in need of a new pair of running shoes. I ended up getting a great pair of shoes that my orthotics fit into very nicely. This can be an issue as my orthotics are often wider that the sole of the shoe. Then I went for a nice 3 mile run in them. They felt great right out of the box. (you can do that without the break-in period when you wear orthotics) My day continued to be great and lead to an amazing meditation today. At first I focused on my breathing as usual. I got myself to a point where I am breathing so softly, yet deeply, that I couldn't even feel the air passing through my nose. I felt so calm. Later in the meditation I began to focus on resting my eyes. You know how you can let your eyes get unfocused? Well I did that while my eyes were shut. I felt as if it gave me focus and really enhanced my calm. I also found it as a great way to bring myself back when I've drifted into a thought. What an incredible day!

The Unconscious

I'm having lots of trouble focusing this week. I've been letting myself get really worked up about stupid stuff, such as my roommates not including me in basically anything. Anyhow, I initially tried to focus on my breathing. I was still losing focus, so I tried something else. I tried to see with my eyes closed. I wasn't trying to see anything in my room but rather the light passing directly through my eyelids. I attempted to make out any shapes that were there. As I did, I noticed that my mind started generating random thoughts, phrases and memories that had no relevance to anything. Nothing that happened today. It seemed as if there were no trigger to the thoughts, they just came naturally. I'm not sure how to interpret it. I didn't feel stressed at all so I don't see it as a negative experience. I don't know what to think of it.

Worth the Effort

I almost want to say that today's meditation was not even worth the effort I put into it. I was all over the place. Three different songs began playing in my head, all I could see was the climbing wall at school and I repeatedly played back things that people have said to me today. However, I will not believe that today's meditation was not worth the effort. It may not be a success by my standards, but it wasn't for nothing either. It is going to take me some time to truly harness my subconscious. I will just have to try again tomorrow and hope for better results.

Moving Forward

I am really happy to be moving my meditation time up to 10 minutes. 5 just didn't seem long enough to really gain control. When I did, time was practically up. I am ready for the challenge. I am ready to dedicate 10 whole minutes to sitting peacefully.